Help!

I need to get rid of my “Reactions.” The little options to check under each post are what I’m referring to. Who knows how to get rid of them? I put them in just as a temporary experiment and they are lame and need to be done away with.

Anyone?

Why Don’t Mommies Get Sick Days?

Babybeast is Nine Months Old

Technically she has been nine months for a few days, but she had her “well baby” visit today, which typically consists of several needle jabs and a very sad mommy.

I requested that we put off her vaccines since she has been ill and the pediatrician didn’t blink, which I appreciate. I also asked to have her allergy tested via blood testing since we had to endure the bloodletting anyway for the lead test. One of her brothers is extremely peanut-allergic and reacts to several other things as well.

He tested positive around nine months, so if she has it, she almost certainly will too. Hopefully she will be like her oldest brother and at worst be plagued with seasonal pollen allergies – they will make you miserable, but they won’t kill you.

Oh and this will come as no surprise to anyone who has seen her, but at 24.5 lbs she’s at the 99.7th percentile of fatness for baby girls, or as plotted in a scientific manner, well off  The Chart. Unfortunately, she’s only at the 75th percentile in height. Which means, as my pediatrician kindly pointed out, that, “she doesn’t miss a meal, eh?” No, no she doesn’t.

The second boy was 27lbs by nine months, though, and he’s pretty skinny now and the oldest was 26 pounds and change and he’s very tall yet proportionate, so I have hope that Ms. Chubbywumpus, who is actually more active than either boy ever was, will thin out with time. I’ll have to post a photo soon to mark nine months – maybe tomorrow if she seems agreeable to posing.

Hooray to me for surviving nine months (and counting) of being a mommy to three!

Fun with Spam


This is an homage to my buddy Adie and her obsession with Spam.

Here is my attempt to make coherent (ok, vaguely coherent) paragraphs by piecing together spam subject lines……

Overwhelmed with debt? Want College Financial Aid? Want Cash? Quick Cash Now! A way to make money so easy even a Stupid Idiot could do it! $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ Get paid to play with your food! You can afford AMAZING BREASTS!!!

Need a HOT WIFE? Get one from Russia 😉 XOXOXOXO …HAVE YOU EVER SEEN THE WOMEN FROM RUSSIA?!? Hurry! – 48 Hours Only Sale. New Customers only. Packages start as low as $29.99/mo.

We just had to tell you…You’re not crazy, Everything is really FREE! CONGRATULATIONS! Someone Thinks You Are Dumb. How dumb are you? B-I-N-G-O!

Check out the diet that changed a housewife’s life. You probably have ROTTEN JUNK inside your body. The Finest Fruit for Your Body – Tiny Sweetheart Treats & Irresistible Cheesecakes Burn more fat sitting on the couch than walking around the block.

Feel like you will NEVER be loved? Help is here! Guess Who…Has a Crush on You? Meet someone sexy tonight. My Name is Nick Marks. I’m One of Those Internet Guys I’m 26 Years Old, with a Wife and 4 Kids and The Internet. Does Size Really Matter? COME SEE MY PICS! Do You Wanna Go on a Date or not?!? You will be approved – Guaranteed.

I found you a new job POLICE OFFICERS NEEDED Have you ever thought of becoming a POLICE OFFICER? Help prevent terrorist attacks! Spice up your life. Meet good girls and ones that are NOT THAT INNOCENT! Do You Accept The Challenge?

Mowing in February

Obviously the economy is in the proverbial toilet – the news makes that clear. But it hasn’t really hit me personally at all. After all, Mister Lawyer has a stable job that is needed no matter the economic state of affairs in the country and we are both really grateful for that. Our savings is swirling at the bottom of the bowl like everyone else’s but it’s not an immediate worry, not like paying the mortgage or the medical bills.

Today there was an insistent ding-dong at the door, so I went to see who it was. I was hoping it was the package truck – boy do I like packages. But no, it was a man and his son, maybe 11 or 12. He wanted to mow the lawn.

I said, well, we have a guy. We do have a guy, but our guy isn’t due to start until next month when the grass really starts growing. Truthfully, the grass was just fine as-is. A little leafy thanks to the oak trees, but certainly not bad enough to warrant any action.

We typically ignore it from about October to March which is nice. I always wonder what the lawn crew does for income from October to March, but I never saw a reason to have it done if it’s not growing. I guess that’s just a problem that comes with being a lawn guy.

So I wavered. He looked just short of desperate. Like he really needed some money today. And I wondered, what if he needed to pay his rent today or his car payment? Or buy groceries for that child? The boy, his assistant and translator, was the clincher. I asked how much.

He looked at our good-sized backyard and the little loquat tree that keeps falling down. He asked if I wanted it fixing and yes, I did – the stakes and rope were already there, so I know that would take about 5 minutes. He wanted $50. Our regular guy charges $30, but he’s a good deal. I said ok. The surprised look in his eyes said “really?” He expected me to bargain him down, but I decided a few extra bucks wouldn’t hurt us.

And then it started to rain and I figured he deserved every penny of it anyway.

I assume he did a good job, I haven’t gone out yet…it’s still drizzling and I’m made of sugar don’t you know. I gave the child a little more for helping out – I could see through the window that he was working very hard and he definitely earned it. Mister Lawyer used to have to go out every weekend and mow his grandmother’s property and he hated it. This boy probably wasn’t keen on helping dad out when he had important things to do like hang out with his buddies and play video games.

Someone pointed out to me that “he’s trying to work for money and that shows integrity.” They have a good point but sometimes integrity isn’t enough. A lot of people who could afford and were inclined to hire lawn care two and three years ago are cutting back and it only makes sense that service people like this are feeling the brunt of it, though of society in general, they can least afford to do so.

The money paid to service persons like the lawn guy goes directly to the worker and his or her family, no middle man involved, but they have no safety net either if those finds dry up. It’s just something to be conscious of as we all decide which expenses can be eliminated or reduced this year.

I sure hope he got that loquat to stand up for good, stubborn thing.

Little Girl Clothes

My baby boys were roughly ten pounds each at birth and were roughly 30 pounds each at 12 months old. So not small. The rule of thumb was that they wore twice their age in clothing. At 3 months, they wore 6 month clothing. At twelve months, they wore 24month or 2t size and so on. Even now, while they have slowed down, the 5 year old is in 8-10 boys and the 3 year old is in 5-6.

The girl is admittedly beefy for her age – there is no doubt about it. She weighed in at 24 pounds 7 ounces today. So not exactly svelte. But get this, she, at only 8 (almost 9) months old, its wearing 2-3t clothing for tops and bottoms. Even by the boys twice-age-in-clothing-calculations she should only be wearing 18month size at the maximum and she is smaller than they were!

Clearly, baby girl clothes are much smaller than baby boy clothes when comparing the same size. And yes, I know baby girls themselves are often a bit smaller than baby boys, but I wouldn’t say there is a massive difference. And if there is a difference, why not make the clothes the same and just let the baby girls grow into them?

I think I know why and here’s my theory – let me know what you think.

~ Proposition one – baby girl clothing is infinitely more adorable than baby boy clothing – it just is. I like a cute boy’s blue and green froggie outfit as much as the next mommy, but the cute factor of girl clothing is through the roof, far surpassing the boys department by any measure you could possibly use.

~ Proposition two – there is simply more variety of baby girl clothing. Boys have tops and bottoms – long and short pants and sleeves and if you want to get crazy, some overalls and maybe a sweater vest. Baby girls have long pants, yoga pants, sweat pants, long skirts, footed leggings, footless leggings, short skirts, frilly skirts, short pants, capris, shorts, any of which might be separate or calculated to be worn in conjunction with their matching t-shirts, embroidered tops, babydoll tops, cotton blouses, halter tops, tank tops, hippie chick tops, sequined tops, casual dresses, dressy dresses, jumpers, overalls, shortalls, and so on. There are a myriad combinations of vastly more designs. And they are all really cute.

~ Proposition three – people like to buy girl clothing. Parents. Grandmas. Neighbors. Aunties. Mommy’s best girlfriends. Come on – they do. We do. We all do. Why? Well it’s effing cute for starters. And people think little girls should look nice (a whole different topic) and should look pretty and that they like to look pretty and if they aren’t old enough that the mommy wants them to look pretty. And let’s face it, right or wrong, we all like pretty baby girls in cute little outfits. So we buy them, lots of them. In all the various combinations available, of which there are many.

So my hypothesis is this – I think that manufacturers make the clothing sizes for baby girls smaller intentionally so that we have to buy more of their products more often. It’s brilliant – we are forced to go shopping for simply adorable clothing in all the adorable combinations they offer even more often than we otherwise would and the typical mommy is none the wiser. In fact, except for the financial expenditure, we kind of like it. So the clothing makers win big and we conspire along with them by “needing” their offerings. Interesting.

1….2….3….Damnit!

Overheard today. Yes, my little angels.

It’s a new game they have invented. I’m not sure exactly what it entails, but it seems to involve yelling 1….2….3….Damnit! And then…..something? I can’t see – they are in the next room. Running around, perhaps?

Hmmm…..sounds like some vocabulary editing is required on my part.

I may have to catch this on video for posterity. If I can stop giggling.

I know, you shouldn’t laugh at that but damnit, it’s funny.

Sickness

Well it’s been a fabulous week here at Chez Lawyer. I mentioned before that the baby had a fever and was a tad cranky. She still had the fever and we had a rough night in Friday. A really rough night. But that’s all. No runny nose. No cough. No wheezing. No ear pulling. No vomiting. No nasty poos. No nothing. Just the fever which was getting progressively worse.

I took her in on Saturday and the poor thing endured a battery of tests, most of which were painful or annoying.

Diagnosis? Pneumonia.

WTF?

I’m pretty low key about illnesses – I typically let them get over it on their own before resorting to the pediatrician who is not unlikely to prescribe antibiotics. I know that many doctors continue to prescribe antibiotics for things like bronchitis, which is no longer indicated. My mother’s doctor gives out antibiotics like candy. He’s a human pez dispenser. Nevermind that most of her problems stem from allergies; apparently antibiotics are the key to wellness. Wrong.

Taking antibiotics for colds and other viral illnesses not only won’t work, but also has a dangerous side effect: over time, this practice helps create bacteria that have become more of a challenge to kill. Frequent and inappropriate use of antibiotics selects for strains of bacteria that can resist treatment. This is called bacterial resistance. These resistant bacteria require higher doses of medicine or stronger antibiotics to treat. Doctors have even found bacteria that are resistant to some of the most powerful antibiotics available today.

Antibiotic resistance is a widespread problem, and one that the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention calls “one of the world’s most pressing public health problems.” Bacteria that were once highly responsive to antibiotics have become increasingly resistant.

Well that’s scary, eh? So I’m hesitant to run to the pediatrician. Not only that, but it seems that every time I take healthy children there, they become sick within a few days. Coincidence? I think not. That place is a festering germ pool as far as I’m concerned and the less time we spend there, the better. And I like our pediatrician, truly I do. I have no complaints at all – it’s not their fault that sick germy kids flock to their place of business, is it? Well, it is kind of, but it’s to be expected when your business is sick germy kids.

So the baby had pneumonia. She had run a low grade fever for a few days and then Friday night it spiked up to just under 104 and stayed there all night and through the next night. After a desperately sleepless night, we thought it best to have her checked out.

The pediatrician we saw said her lungs seemed “clear” and that he’d take an Xray, just to be sure. Her ears were fine, so everyone thought it might be a bladder infection, there being no other visible or obvious symptoms. And they tested for that too. And she had a good wee all over the nurse as punishment for the catheter, proving that she wasn’t even close to being dehydrated. And we all were quite shocked when the Xray image of her lungs came back cloudy and most certainly not clear.

Saturday night was rough too and I thought we might need to make a trip to the ER when her temperature climbed over 104, but after a cool bath during which she was bribed to sit still with all sorts of things she’s not normally permitted, we were able to keep it under control.

And she’s fine today, if a bit tired. She only woke once last night which was fabulous. Beyond fabulous, actually. And I’m beyond grateful – we both needed our sleep. A few more nights like that and we’ll be back in fighting condition.

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