And No Sweatpants with Ass-Words, Either

Girly is ok – and has always been ok. And the little girlies like it – I get that. Babybeast is attracted to sparkly items like a darn magpie.

But I’m picky. I have standards. I have…..um…..issues.

To wit:

1) No giant bows like this.


Or this:

2) No princess wear, however cute. Princess theme is ok, I guess, but anything that affirmatively labels the child a princess (or a “brat”) is a no-go.

3) No licensed characters (note the double no-no here).

4) No branded logo clothing. My children are not billboards – if they are going to advertise, I want royalties.

5) Anything ridiculous. Even kids have personal dignity – we should let them keep at least a scrap of it in public.


6) Death-themed items for infants and toddlers. It’s creepy, for Pete’s sake!

I understand that other people put their children in fluffy reversible branded logo licenced character death princess clothing with matching bows that reduce their field of vision to a tiny pinhole area, but that’s just not how I roll.

With that in mind, I’m not responsible for dressing other people’s kids, and unless your child is something grossly inappropriate, I’m not going to bat an eyelash whatever she or he wears, so there’s not need to be on the defensive if you are really into fluffy reversible branded logo licenced character death princess clothing with matching bows that reduce their field of vision to a tiny pinhole area.

So yes, I’m cool with girly. But I’m perfectly at peace with my pickiness too.

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Dear Baby Clothing Makers

I’ll admit it – your stuff is cute. REALLY cute. I almost died of cuteness overload during a trip to the Mall today. Gymboree – you guys are pros at cuteness. And you know it. Children’s Place, Old Navy. All cute.

Here’s my problem, though: now that you are getting in your adorable long-sleeved clothes in. NONE of it fits my baby. None! Why not? Because she’s too darn fat to fit in the shirts with sleeve lengths that don’t droop down to her knee rolls. And shirts with appropriately-length sleeves are so tight, they turn her into a little sausage. Because she is a baby – and some babies just weren’t designed to be aerodynamic. Babybeast, in all fairness, is one of the least aerodynamic toddlers you are likely to see.

And since she’s the only child in the universe (per the retail evidence) with these particular dimensions, she’s very hard to fit into anything but summer styles. She is currently sporting all 4T shorts and capris and all but a few 4T t-shirts. She is fairly tall for her age, but not extraordinarily so.
So my choices are, apparently:

~ To clothe her in short sleeves all winter (not entirely impossible – this is a fairly tropical clime, after all);

~ To put her in ill-fitting long sleeves that are sure to get sticky/wet almost immediately;

~ Or to put her on a diet, which has been suggested by several well-meaning but idiotic passersby, but for many reasons will not be happening, not the least that it is not only preposterous, but unhealthy. Sorry, baby – no milk for you today, it’s Slimfast in your sippycup from now on!

So, Baby Clothing Makers, I went to the mall today planning to shop and came home empty handed. Mr. Lawyer thanks you. However, you may need to rethink your collections somewhat to encourage me to part with my dollars.

Please consider, for example, adding more 3/4 length sleeves. They are cute, stylish, and perfect for Babybeast. More capri pants would be fantastic as well – no rolling or jacking them up to her little armpits to force them to fit. And they wear just fine through the winter – it’s not cold here, but even if it were, that’s what layering is for.

Until I see some changes implemented, I will be sitting here, wallet in hand, not spending money on your products, despite desperately wishing to do so. Because I’m a sucker for cute. Please take my requests under serious advisement, on behalf of fat babies everywhere.

Little Girl Clothes

My baby boys were roughly ten pounds each at birth and were roughly 30 pounds each at 12 months old. So not small. The rule of thumb was that they wore twice their age in clothing. At 3 months, they wore 6 month clothing. At twelve months, they wore 24month or 2t size and so on. Even now, while they have slowed down, the 5 year old is in 8-10 boys and the 3 year old is in 5-6.

The girl is admittedly beefy for her age – there is no doubt about it. She weighed in at 24 pounds 7 ounces today. So not exactly svelte. But get this, she, at only 8 (almost 9) months old, its wearing 2-3t clothing for tops and bottoms. Even by the boys twice-age-in-clothing-calculations she should only be wearing 18month size at the maximum and she is smaller than they were!

Clearly, baby girl clothes are much smaller than baby boy clothes when comparing the same size. And yes, I know baby girls themselves are often a bit smaller than baby boys, but I wouldn’t say there is a massive difference. And if there is a difference, why not make the clothes the same and just let the baby girls grow into them?

I think I know why and here’s my theory – let me know what you think.

~ Proposition one – baby girl clothing is infinitely more adorable than baby boy clothing – it just is. I like a cute boy’s blue and green froggie outfit as much as the next mommy, but the cute factor of girl clothing is through the roof, far surpassing the boys department by any measure you could possibly use.

~ Proposition two – there is simply more variety of baby girl clothing. Boys have tops and bottoms – long and short pants and sleeves and if you want to get crazy, some overalls and maybe a sweater vest. Baby girls have long pants, yoga pants, sweat pants, long skirts, footed leggings, footless leggings, short skirts, frilly skirts, short pants, capris, shorts, any of which might be separate or calculated to be worn in conjunction with their matching t-shirts, embroidered tops, babydoll tops, cotton blouses, halter tops, tank tops, hippie chick tops, sequined tops, casual dresses, dressy dresses, jumpers, overalls, shortalls, and so on. There are a myriad combinations of vastly more designs. And they are all really cute.

~ Proposition three – people like to buy girl clothing. Parents. Grandmas. Neighbors. Aunties. Mommy’s best girlfriends. Come on – they do. We do. We all do. Why? Well it’s effing cute for starters. And people think little girls should look nice (a whole different topic) and should look pretty and that they like to look pretty and if they aren’t old enough that the mommy wants them to look pretty. And let’s face it, right or wrong, we all like pretty baby girls in cute little outfits. So we buy them, lots of them. In all the various combinations available, of which there are many.

So my hypothesis is this – I think that manufacturers make the clothing sizes for baby girls smaller intentionally so that we have to buy more of their products more often. It’s brilliant – we are forced to go shopping for simply adorable clothing in all the adorable combinations they offer even more often than we otherwise would and the typical mommy is none the wiser. In fact, except for the financial expenditure, we kind of like it. So the clothing makers win big and we conspire along with them by “needing” their offerings. Interesting.

Cabinet Extreme Makeover

This afternoon I cleaned out a set of cupboards that held a metric assload of craft stuff for the kids which looked really bad. And by “bad” I mean it looked like what would happen if Hobby Lobby turned into a black hole and imploded on itself. Just like that. Total and complete disarray. And the next shelf up held all of my plastic Rubbermaid storage, also in fearful shape.
The thing is, we are cutting down on our plastic usage, not just the BPA-containing plastics which are not welcome in my house, but general plastic use where we reasonably can. For example, while I still store foods in plastic, like the kids’ preschool lunches, I try not to put hot foods in it or ever heat items in plastic, especially for the kids.

So I bought two lidded 18 piece sets of Pyrex sets a few weeks ago and needed somewhere to put all that glass. The craft stuff went out of the cabinet, the plastic got reduced by a third and moved up a shelf and the glassware went on the bottom shelf, for easy access. I am sure if I hid it away it wouldn’t get used as much as it should.

The craft items were banished to various points in the house, but it all ended up quite well organized. The whole process took the entire afternoon, which is pretty ridiculous. I guess that give you an idea of just how bad it was, huh?

Tomorrow I have teacher conferences midday and then I plan on hitting the nursery (no one’s in it right now) and de-cluttering it. Thanks to the generosity of friends with little girls and an eye for sales, I have enough baby girl clothes to clothe the Dionne Quintuplets, especially the early months. So the plan is to organize all of that and make it look presentable in case we decide to give Babybeast the boot from her present location in our room. As if an infant cares what their room looks like, right?

To tell you the truth, and this is no surprise to some, but I really don’t like housework. And I’m not very diligent at getting it done, especially with the three little “helpers” I have. Sure the babies get fed and bathed and the really nasty things get done (I have some standards, people!), but I’d much rather read than spot clean the carpet, put away the laundry, or scrub that mysterious sticky substance off the inside of the fridge. So there’s my confession. And if you gather nothing else from this entry, then take this in: don’t even think of driving by the house and dropping in without calling beforehand.

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