Dear Baby Clothing Makers

I’ll admit it – your stuff is cute. REALLY cute. I almost died of cuteness overload during a trip to the Mall today. Gymboree – you guys are pros at cuteness. And you know it. Children’s Place, Old Navy. All cute.

Here’s my problem, though: now that you are getting in your adorable long-sleeved clothes in. NONE of it fits my baby. None! Why not? Because she’s too darn fat to fit in the shirts with sleeve lengths that don’t droop down to her knee rolls. And shirts with appropriately-length sleeves are so tight, they turn her into a little sausage. Because she is a baby – and some babies just weren’t designed to be aerodynamic. Babybeast, in all fairness, is one of the least aerodynamic toddlers you are likely to see.

And since she’s the only child in the universe (per the retail evidence) with these particular dimensions, she’s very hard to fit into anything but summer styles. She is currently sporting all 4T shorts and capris and all but a few 4T t-shirts. She is fairly tall for her age, but not extraordinarily so.
So my choices are, apparently:

~ To clothe her in short sleeves all winter (not entirely impossible – this is a fairly tropical clime, after all);

~ To put her in ill-fitting long sleeves that are sure to get sticky/wet almost immediately;

~ Or to put her on a diet, which has been suggested by several well-meaning but idiotic passersby, but for many reasons will not be happening, not the least that it is not only preposterous, but unhealthy. Sorry, baby – no milk for you today, it’s Slimfast in your sippycup from now on!

So, Baby Clothing Makers, I went to the mall today planning to shop and came home empty handed. Mr. Lawyer thanks you. However, you may need to rethink your collections somewhat to encourage me to part with my dollars.

Please consider, for example, adding more 3/4 length sleeves. They are cute, stylish, and perfect for Babybeast. More capri pants would be fantastic as well – no rolling or jacking them up to her little armpits to force them to fit. And they wear just fine through the winter – it’s not cold here, but even if it were, that’s what layering is for.

Until I see some changes implemented, I will be sitting here, wallet in hand, not spending money on your products, despite desperately wishing to do so. Because I’m a sucker for cute. Please take my requests under serious advisement, on behalf of fat babies everywhere.
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